Oh gosh-- am I the only one who doesn't feel the Christmas spirit this year?
I feel horrible, feeling so empty during my favorite time of the year D:
So I thought-- maybe I can push the Christmas feeling a bit-- by making a Christmas Giveaway ; 7 ;
I'm sick anyway and have barely anyone to talk to, so I'm bored nonstop if I'm not doing the commissions I owe-- so-- lets have a giveaway = u =
The rules are simple:
♥ Comment your favorite Christmas song under this journal [only one song per person]
♥ If you do so [no matter if your song was already mentioned] I will reply you with a number
♥ On December the 24th I will determine the five winners via a random number generator
♥ Each winner will get one free chibi from me [no matter how detailed the character is, small extras like pets or so are also ok too]
♥ Important: I will only draw your prize if you have a clear picture reference of the character [no mecha or furries pls]
Lets spread the Christmas spirit a bit TT v TT
P.S. does anyone else have a screwy dA lately?
I can't view my messages and the submission of journals is all fucked up as well D:
Mon Dec 9, 2013, 12:04 PM
Sat Nov 23, 2013, 7:22 PM
Soooooo the doc could finally pinpoint what causes my bad health--
Guess what guys, I've got mononucleosis, also known as the kissing disease [such a cute name homg]
It's what's making me miserable--
I've got myself the disease with all its symptoms orz
My tonsils are so swollen that I woke up at midnight, fearing I'd die from suffocation ugh--
And this is only the beginning or so it seems--
It's final now that due to my health issues I can not take part in this semester's finals, which are essential for my graduation and so I will have to repeat my last year of high school---
I'm excused from school for another two weeks-- then we have to see how I'm feeling orz
Man-- I'd say fate loves to fuck me up at the moment--
But hey more time to draw-- if there wouldn't be this pretty little art block right now orz
Sorry for making so many updates lately sobs
Well-- I feel better today-- more or less-- okay, a little-- very little--
I still feel exhausted, but not as much as before-- at least I can walk around and up and down the stairs without almost collapsing now--
The pills I have to take are freaking huge orz
And I can't take them without eating before--
Good thing is-- I feel like eating again ; 7 ;
Haven't felt like eating anything for a week or so now-- but it's slowly coming back--
But then again-- the pills still are quite heavy--
I get stomachache from them and whenever I cough [and oh hell I cough A LOT], I feel like I'd throw up any minute--
It's really just ew--
Those pills are almost 2 cm long orz
But I have to take them to treat my tonsils-- I swear the right side of my neck is slightly swollen because of those freaking things being yellow-coated //cries
Then another thing is-- my sleep hasn't gotten any better--
I still wake up so often and then the coughing makes it hard to fall asleep anyway--
Aaaaand apparently I get a fever whenever my body calms down to rest-- that's also why I sweat so much during my sleep--
I had a fever this morning when my grandparents came to check on me, or so said my grandma after feeling my forehead [she made me Get-Well Choco Pudding and cookies BUT THAT LITTLE DEMON OF A SISTER ATE MORE THAN HALF OF MY PRECIOUS PUDDING CRIES]
So due to that-- I'm not really feeling like sleeping haha orz
I'm kinda scared to lose consciousness while being asleep because of the fever-- or because of losing too much water due to all the sweating- I drink a lot-- but still--
For now I've got an alarm set every 2 hours to see if I am still conscious-- just in case--
I wake up almost every 2 hours anyway so meh-- not a big deal to be woken by an alarm--
I just hope this goes away soon-- I just wanna sleep calmly again because I love sleeping so much--
Same with the eating-- I wanna eat again without having to fear to puke it all back out again sobs
Everyone makes me such delicious food and then my stomach just goes all NOPE on me orz
But don't worry guys--
Like I said, I /feel/ better--
That's a start--
I'm not really tired right now [I more or less slept all day orz], so until I can come up with a hairstyle for the new OC I've got planned, I am watching the whole The Lord of the Rings saga because I never saw the movies, but always wanted to-- so being sick and unable to draw for the time being that's actually a pretty nice way to spend my time haha so much blood and pain and despair and war ; 7 ;
So I went to see my doctor--
She said that my blood sugar and my blood picture are normal actually, so that's not what triggers my bad health--
In the end my tonsils are yellow-coated --- again orz
Had the same thing a few weeks ago, it passed and now it's back-- just on the right side of my throat instead of the left ugh--
Well-- she couldn't really tell what's making me so sick but--
She said it's probably stress-- everything that I was planning to do and that now crumbled like a house of cards-- she said it was too much--
And well, it's over now so I don't stress about it anymore--
Now I just need to figure out how to get well again--
I'm excused from school for another week--
I'm missing a lot of classes lately and I'm considering to retake my last year of high school since it's freaking important for me and I can't go on doing it like this unless my health is all fine again--
To be honest, I wouldn't mind repeating the year-- my future dream popped like a bubble anyway and I've got two friends one year below me so meh-- I'd be with them---
We'll talk to my tutor in the course of the next days to see what he recommends--
Also-- what is probably making everything worse for me at the moment--
Well-- I lost my best friend, most likely -- and the person I love most of everyone I've ever met---
It's-- not easy to get through that-- mmh--
Knowing that a friendship ends is always hard but-- well-- this one is literally breaking me apart as well--
So idk-- I have to see how this turns out-- I'm still kinda positive-- maybe delusional-- idk--
For now I'll stay home for this week and try to get better, I've got medicine and all so it should help at least a bit--
Thank you so much
All those caring, comforting comments-- they really help a lot-- at least my mental weakness--
I'm sorry I haven't replied any of them-- though I'd rather like to thank everyone who cares about me right here
Thank you so, so much -- I'm sorry for worrying you--
Thank you so much for caring about me--
It means a lot more than you can imagine at the moment--
I swear I'm only getting worse orz
I have barely slept the last nights, this night was the worst-- I am bathed in sweat, my pajamas were soaked and it was so freaking cold and my throat hurts again like it did a few weeks ago and I'm having nightmares too I think--
My blood sugar is still low and I can barely stand up straight just ugh--
I'll go see my doc today afternoon--
It can't go on like this--
I'm gonna end up in a hospital if my health doesn't get better orz
Sorry just quick update from my phone I just ugh orz
The last weeks have been pretty shitty
And if I say shitty, I mean REALLY shitty
I've probably had a mental breakdown or two idk
And my health is so bad that my doc was scared I'd just drop dead
Apparently my blood sugar is way too low or so--
There's been some major changes in my life and some major breakdowns and a stroke of fate I'd say--
It all just swept the ground away from under my feet
I need to re-orientate myself entirely
I'm a mess and I know that and I need to do something to make this better and I will
I can't sleep and I barely eat -- but it'll get better
To all those that I owe a commission, don't worry, I'll do them
Just give me time please
For all those that wonder what happened to my profile or what happened in general
I ask you nicely
Don't ask me
Leave me be please
I don't want to talk.
I'll go see my doctor again and I will also seek help of a psychiatrist I believe--
It's not like I'm depressive or suicidal -- but lets say we won't risk me becoming it.
Being on dA hurts me quite bad-- so I can't tell how this will go on from now on--
But I know I won't leave--
I love what I have here too much to give it up
But please don't ask questions
I just wanted to update all of you guys since I think it's better for you to know what's going on.
Mon Nov 4, 2013, 7:15 AM
Each character is 7 USD [only paypal atm cause it's urgent]
You can have a couple or whatever you like--
There is no character limit !!
I can't tell you how long it will take me to complete the commission, but I will hurry, I promise~
Also I'm willing to draw uncensored NSFW [meaning you can see peepees and such] with this, but I wouldn't submit it to dA //slapped
If you are interested:
Please comment here with:
No. of Characters:
NSFW: Censored / Uncesored
Slots so far:
Go look here: [link]
Mon Oct 21, 2013, 11:06 AM
Yess-- finally-- I got a new laptop
It's a Lenovo Ideapad U510, does anyone have experience with that one? ; v ;
It has Windows 8 idek how to use that pff--
But this means I can draw normally again //sobs happily--
Thanks god OTL
Welp-- just dropping by to say that I have to buy myself a new laptop-- mine is completely broken--
Not that I have the money for a new one but yeah-- I'll see what I can do--
That's all OTL
Kay so yeah apparently my laptop still has some Problems and idek what's wrong since I re-installed Windows the fourth time now and it keeps bugging afterwards so yeah I give up--
I'll return my Laptop and see what the company can do--
I will stay rather inactive on dA because of that-- I might be able to use my dad's Computer for drawing but well-- that's limited so I'll have to see--
And as if I wouldn't have enough shit going on atm this one stresses me on top-- I'm just so done at the Moment--
See you guys around I guess--
Mon Oct 14, 2013, 1:48 PM
Okay this isn't even funny anymore--
Having my kiriban cheated twice--
I'm seriously not amused at all-- if the next one will be cheated again I'm definitely not going to do Kiribans anymore--
So, this time I got like 1.986 pageviews in like one day while my recent amount per day always was around 30 pageviews--
Just to show you what I mean: sta.sh/02glfll56xcu
I think I can call that obvious cheating--
I'll give it one more chance, next Kiriban will be at 55.000 pageviews--
If that one gets cheated like this again, I won't do any Kiribans ever again--
It's just unfair to everbody else, so please let this be a fair game in the future.
Mon Sep 30, 2013, 10:15 AM
Yaaayyy--- and I'm gone again * v *
Goodbye Germany, hello Mexico lmao--
Yeah I'll be visiting again for 18 days since I'm on autumn break ~
My laptop has still not been fixed, so I won't be able to draw at all-- but I'll check dA regulary ; w ;
Wish me luck guys, I'm scared something might go wrong [again; for everyone who didn't know, last time I got stuck in Mexico City because I missed my flight ahahaha-- orz]
I'll see you around
Fri Sep 27, 2013, 12:54 PM
OKAY WELL SEEMS LIKE MY OTHER LAPPY WONT WORK AS I THOUGHT SO THIS MEANS IM ON AN INDEFINITE HIATUS NOW SINCE I CANT DRAW OH GOD FUCK ALL THIS OTL
Yaay-- so guys-- my laptop died-- it fucking died just because I turned it off to turn it on again-- and then it wouldn't start anymore-- wouldn't log me in anymore-- so I got some help-- and I could login again-- but it was so slow that I couldn't do anything-- so the IT specialist who helped me said I will have to reset my laptop completely, losing all my files--
I did reset it
I turned it on again to let it reinstall everything
It didn't reinstall Windows as it should
Now it's unusable---
My laptop is fucking dead and I am so fucking angry right now--
It's not even a year old-- and atm I'm having enough stress with school and just ugh-- I can't cope with this-- I'm so stressed out-- I /NEED/ a break or else I'll have a breakdown--
Well-- one good thing --- I am on my old laptop atm--
I can still use it--
I can't promise that I can draw here though--
I might not be able to draw for a month or so-- idk- I'll have to see that--
Just thought I should tell you guys cause this means that my activity on dA will be VERY limited--
I'll just go and lay down and cry now ok bye
Fri Sep 13, 2013, 11:14 AM
HOMG FINALLY A NORMAL INTERNET CONNECTION AGAIN
I barely had any connection in England--
And I really don't want to elaborate the trip because ugh-- most of it was tiredness and walking around --
But there were some fun things that happened over the week-- so it was okay-ish I guess--
Anyways, just note that I'm back alright? ; 7 ;
I'll reply to all the comments now and I haven't drawn all week so orz-- gotta draw--
Well well-- the time for my class trip has come OTL
Tomorrow I'll be on my way to England for a week --
To Oxford to be precise--
I'll be visiting a few different cities, but mainly stay in Oxford--
I will take my laptop along, but I can't promise if I will have internet and be able to check dA ugh OTL
So I might not reply to anything for a week--
I'll be back on the 21st
If there's anyone that lives close to Oxford and would like to meet me and could come over, I'd be more than glad to meet up ♥ //SLAPPED
Thu Jul 11, 2013, 8:38 AM
Wed Jun 26, 2013, 1:58 AM
Umm-- does anyone want to do a chibi art trade with me ? ; 7 ;
I really feel like doing ATs right now--
But I have a special condition -- the art trade would be a couple chibi art trade -- meaning that I will only draw a couple, since I would request a couple as well ; w ;
My part would look like this:
If anyone is interested -- just comment on this journal saying so ♥
I'll pick two people that want to do an AT with me in a bit--
If you want to do this kind of AT with me, feel free to comment here anytime~
Okay so -- I didn't expect so many people wanting to AT with me
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR BEING INTERESTED IN AN AT WITH ME ♥
So I made myself a list, cause there are so many people I'd love to AT with as well--
Still, for now I am going to choose only two people, but whenever I feel like doing ATs again, I will ask the people that have commented here if they still wanna AT--
For now I'd love to do a couple chibi AT with
I'm gonna send you guys a note soon asjdhfjasdhf ♥
Tue Jun 18, 2013, 5:19 AM
YAAYYY-- I'm finally back in Germany and home from my other trip
I will be able to check dA regulary again now-- and reply to all my rp notes //sobs sorry for neglecting those
Also my school, to be precise my last year of high school, will start in roughly 1 1/2 weeks-- so until then I will try to finish whatever I owe and have to do-- time to work my ass off for the rest of my break
Yeah-- just this time I have to say goodbye to Mexico
I don't even want to go hnng--
Tomorrow I will be back in Germany //sighs
But mah-- I had a great time here together with and and it was awesome to meet them in real life
I wish we'd live closer together and not on the other half of the world
Just for everyone to know, I will be on another 3-day trip with my uncle from the 26th on til the 29th most likely-- and I will have no internet so checking dA will be a problem haha--
But after the 29th I will be finally home again and will have like what-- a week left of my summer break ; 7 ;
So mb I can finish all the things I owe [mainly ATs //slapped] after the 29th, oki?
Be patient with me TT v TT
Bye bye guys, see you in a bit~
P.S. GO LOVE THESE TWO OK &
I've safely arrived in Mexico and am currently sitting at Macchi's place
I've had some really huge problems with my flights-- but it was okay, at least I got to where I needed to be
I don't know how much I can draw / work and check dA at all during my time here with Macchi but-- I'll try my best to get on dA at least once per day and reply some messages
I hope everyone is having a great time, cause I am ♥
... to Germany lmao
The time's finally here~
Tomorrow I'll be on my way to Mexico -- to meet my bby =Macchi-Tacchi
I won't be on dA all day cause of the flight and such-- just to inform you guys ; 7 ;
Oh and for anyone who I owe art to and to all the group admins that have set those fricking countdowns for apps--
PLEASE FORGIVE ME BUT I DON'T THINK I'LL MAKE IT TIL THE END OF ANY COUNTDOWN
I'll be really busy cause-- holy glob I am going to Mexico
So I'll see how fast I can really finish whatever I have to do but-- please don't kill me if I can't make it
Atm I just can't pay attention to any time limit-- idk how it'll be in Mexico and how I'll feel and just ugh--- I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO THAN DRAWING-- FOR NOW
So just that all of you know -- idk how active I'll be with submitting art to dA in the course of the next 5 weeks-- I'm on vacation-- I'm so gomen
So, =Clanuu and =Macchi-Tacchi, I'll see you in a bit
Bye bye, minna ~ ♥
Fri May 10, 2013, 10:30 AM
I don't know how many people noticed, or even actually cared that I had my account deactivated for 48 hours [that are required for reactivation].
Just so you know, this wasn't by accident or someone abusing my account and deactivating me, I deactivated myself on purpose ... for a stupid purpose most might say.
If you don't want to read this, fine with me, I just want to explain and apologize to all those who I made worry.
Just from the start, I DON'T WANT ANY PITY.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THINGS LIKE "BUT YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT PERSON" OR "POOR YOU", NOTHING OF THAT PLEASE OR I'LL IGNORE IT.
Again I don't know how many people know about my inferiority complex ... probably not so many, since it has gotten better in the past year, so I rarely make a fuss about it ... well, this time I AM making a fuss about it.
Yes, I have an inferiority complex, a pretty bad one actually, but it got better, a lot.
Usually I am a really happy, carefree and easy-going person, I'm lucky, school is easy for me and my life couldn't get any easier or closer to what one might call "perfect", if I look at the whole of it.
But even so I can't help but think lowly myself, so lowly that it's hilarious, though I tend to cover that up while talking to others.
Nobody can ever tell how I'm really feeling, that's what I learnt ... and I'm not sure if that is a good thing.
In the past year I never felt really down or anything, at least not because of my stupid complex.
I don't have a lot of self-confidence, I'm just trying to cover that up with pride that pushes me head-first into dumb situations, I don't have a lot of self-esteem, I'm just trying to cover that up so that the ones around me don't have to worry.
And that worked well for a long time.
And I didn't think anything would happen, since it's been a year.
But it did.
Wednesday evening, everything suddenly collapsed above me and made me feel worse than ever ... I don't know how, I'm not depressive or anything, just sometimes, rarely, there are moments where my whole world seems to crumble and break around me and I cry for hours without having a real reason except hating myself for various reasons.
I'm not pretty, I know that, people telling me that over and over again hurts a lot, people saying I'm stupid, although they know I'm not shouldn't hurt me, but it still does, people telling me to "fuck myself" scars my heart, even though it might not seem like it does.
I know I shouldn't take all that bullshit that people say seriously ... but I do and I can't even help it.
Sometimes I feel like they're right with what they're saying ... I mean, I can't even get an A or at least A- in art class, what kind of joke of an artist am I, seriously?
It's not like I can't draw anything besides what you can see on dA, heck, my teacher once gave me an A+ for my project, still in the end I only received a B as my final grade.
There are moments when I just feel like the last, worthless scumbag on earth ... and nobody and nothing ever managed to get those thoughts out of my head.
Not even when people tell me that I'm a great person, that they love me, that I'm good at things and that I'm not ugly at all, nothing changes my mind, I try to change it, but something inside me struggles against it, it's like talking to a wall and that's why I grew tired of hearing those things, since they don't change anything at all ... I appreciate every compliment I get, more than you think and I try to let it give me some self-esteem ... but it doesn't work.
I'm already trying to convince myself that I'm not that bad, but I always find things that prove me the exact opposite.
That is also why I am barely ever satisfied with my works ... I am never proud of them, I never really like them, I never think that I couldn't have done it better, because I always find so many flaws and mistakes that I just curse myself for even touching a pen.
And so it came that I had pressed the "Yes, deactivate my account" button before even really realizing it ... and after that I only cried more ... but I needed some time for myself ...
I never wanted to deactivate my account ... yet ironically I did ... I don't even know myself ...
And here's the part where I have to make a BIG APOLOGY to everyone that I caused worry, but especially =Macchi-Tacchi since she probably was the one who was literally sick because I wasn't accessible at all, not on dA, not on tumblr, not on Facebook, not via email, not even on skype.
After reading all the messages that I got on skype, I cried my eyes out once again.
I didn't even notice that, when I left my laptop on [I never turn it off, just put it on "Snoozing" mode], I didn't turn skype off, but instead only went on "Invisble".
I didn't touch my laptop the past days ... so I didn't notice anything.
I needed the time to calm down again and pull myself out of that shameful misery again and just get some space from dA and even everyone around me ... until my friends called and forced me to meet with them and they cheered me up a lot and helped me to get over it already, so I used the time that was left to draw all that crap I owe to people, trying to prove myself that I'm not that bad as I always think [though it didn't work at all].
I switched to my old laptop to work, I just didn't want to touch my current one anymore, to stay away from everyone and take a serious break for once, since my old lappy doesn't have skype or internet at all, so it was the simplest way to escape.
I didn't actually think people would worry that much ...
But they did ... and I feel so horrible for not replying, not even noticing it [yet again another reason for me to hate myself] ...
I'M SO SORRY, I TRULY AM
I'M SORRY FOR MAKING PEOPLE WORRY ABOUT ME JUST CAUSE I CAN'T KEEP MY FRICKING COMPLEX UNDER CONTROL
I'M SORRY FOR HURTING PEOPLE JUST CAUSE I CAN'T START TO THINK BETTER OF MYSELF
I'M SORRY THAT I DRAGGED ANYONE INTO THIS
And I'm sorry Macchi, that I hurt you ... especially you, after what I read on skype ... I made you feel terrible and I'm so sorry for that ... you can't even begin to imagine how bad I feel for this ... I can't even put into words how sorry I am ... I should probably tell you more than only this right now ... but I just can't seem to find the right words ...
I would never ignore you ... if I get a message from you, I reply it, so if I don't, that ALWAYS means that I did not see the message for some reason ... so please don't spend your days depressed and sleep-deprived because of my stupid actions ... the only reason why I'd ever leave you would be because I fucking died or am comatose or whatever ... and even in that case my friend will set up a journal on dA to tell everyone ... so everything is taken care of.
I hope you can forgive me ... I didn't intend to make you miserable ... [and I hope you felt my hugs meant for you when I hugged my pillow the past nights]
This goes to everyone again.
I will never deactivate my account again but ... just saying ... that you all might want to be prepared to not hear from me for a couple of days every now and then ... don't worry too much if that happens, I'll be okay ... just like I am now~
I'm all better again, no negative thoughts, everything's a pink, sparkling pony farm with unicorns and rainbows once again~~
I met with my friends and spent my days being cheered up and had a lot of fun, trying to distract my thoughts until I can reactivate my account~
SO PLEASE DON'T PITY ME OKAY?
AND DON'T WORRY, THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT ♥
Sat May 4, 2013, 12:05 PM
1. For the first 20 people to comment "CUPCAKES" to this journal. I will feature of one their characters. I'll also tell you what I like about them.
2. If you do comment and get featured here, please do the same in your journal, putting the me in the first slot. The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everybody to get a gander at of your best work (in my eyes).
DID I EVER TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE HER?
OKAY THEN: OMFG I CANNOT EVEN EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR THIS TWISTED GIRL -- FIRST OF ALL-- HER FRICKING WEAPONS ARE OFFICE SUPPLIES -- THAT'S SO AWESOME SERIOUSLY-- AND THEN-- I WANT HER HAIR-- HER HAIR IS TOO PRETTY //SOBS
PLUS-- YANDERE GIRLS ALWAYS SEEM SO VERY FRIENDLY TO ME -- SOMEONE I CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH |D //SHOTSHOTSHOT
I simply love him TT v TT
I adore his hair-- first of all //punted
And then-- his development, the way he changes and /their/ story -- just too good for my heart ; v ;
He caught my attention immediately-- that hair omg //touches
Also-- I love arrogant and bratty characters e u e
I love how I first thought of her to be just a nice, little girl -- and then I read that she likes yaoi //kicked
EVERY CHARACTER THAT LOVES YAOI IS A CHARACTER I LIKE |D
His hair-- //touches
I love his hair-- and omg-- did I read sword swallower?! * A *
I really admire those people-- idk how they do their work but DAMN-- that's so awesome TT v TT
I'm such a sucker for his looks I swear--
Can I marry him please?
AND he's an asshole-- pfff-- couldn't be better //always falls for the bad guys anyway
If it's not obvious already-- I've got a weak spot for long-haired guys
H-His hair-- and-- he's a Pokemon trainer-- //loves pkmn til infity and beyond
again with dem long-haired guys //shot
First off-- there's a full story revolving around him -- with marriage and everything-- and I love elaborated characters like this one * v *
And then-- his personality sounds quite fun-- |DDDD
Not going to mention the hair again ... < u >;;
Ahaha-- a grumpy guy-- who doesn't love tsuntsuns? |D //SHOT
Besides-- Imma meet him soooon * 7 *
I love how he differs from all the other characters for MnG cause he hates showing his upper body-- I love unique characters the most and this is definitely one of them ; v ;
I have that slight liking for punk/gothic clothing ahaha-- //////
I love how this wasn't meant to be a character but now even has a contest to determine is name and bio * v *
That's what I call dedication of the creator ♥
Long legs * q *
She's so prettyyyyy amg--
And unf--- dat whip-- whips are always too sexy //swoons
HOMG-- a griffin
One of my most favorite mythological creatures-- how did you know //shot
That's all the reason I need to like him
NNGH-- WHY'S THE DESCRIPTION IN SPANISH OTL
//can't speak Spanish
but still-- I love his colors * v *
Plus-- he's a vocaloid and has long hair-- how could I not like him? |D //SHOT
Bawwww-- his personality-- he's such a cutie I swear = 7 =
He loves to tease the people around him-- that's my favorite character trait an OC can have |DDD
ASKDFJ ADVENTURE TIME OC <33333
NNGGH-- I LOVE THE VAMPIRE IDEA IN AT FAR TOO MUCH-- AND SHE'S SO PRETTY OMG--
Her hair is drawing me in-- and that hairclip >//////< //grabby hands
Hahaha-- he sounds like the perfect type of guy for me to mess with |D
It's always so much fun to provoke spoiled brats-- //would totally do it
And I love the choice of his colors * ^ *
Oh my god-- her design has always caught my attention-- //was just too shy to say it
I love her personality way too much-- kinda sympathize with her //shotshot
OMFG-- I SWEAR I LOVE HIS DESIGN SO FRICKING MUCH YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE AKSJFAKSJDF--
And the feature of his human skin peeling off---- so good hnnnggg-- > u <
I really love the idea-- very unique and creative <3
Pffftt-- her personality amused me A LOT |D
Sounds just like the type of girl I'd hang out with-- and I can take perverted jokes, I'd just come back at her if she tries to tease me |D
Also-- girls handling guns are always cool .___. ALWAYS
Thu May 2, 2013, 9:37 AM
... that I am constantanously thinking about leaving dA?
At least once per day .... if it wasn't for my rp groups ... I would be long gone ....
just ... there is so much shit going on here on this site ... so much unnecessary trouble to deal with ... so much unfairness and hate ... and we as mere members can't do anything about any kind of issue ... I swear ... one day, if you see me leaving all my rp groups, you can be sure that I will leave dA as well ... probably even without telling anyone ... just ... I don't know ... sometimes dA irks me too much ... and I lose the determination of staying here, because I forget my reasons why I'm even here ... //sighs
Tue Apr 30, 2013, 3:48 PM
This is going to be a long journal where I'd like to vent a bit, so if you don't want to read it, it's okay, I just need this off my chest, because it's REALLY bugging me.
!! WARNING: DO NOT CLICK THE LINKED PICTURES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE MATURE CONTENT !!
Also, whatever I link here is not meant as an insult or show-off for the artist, but simply meant to prove my statements, please do not take this personal, I have censored the artists.
And I am linking pictures that are ON dA, so apparently they are not pornographic material.
And, I beg you, if you disagree with something, please do not commentstorm me immediately, please read the whole journal and if then there are still things you want to say, feel free to, but please keep in mind that I will hide and ignore rude comments.
Stay polite and calm please.
I will not mind how much hate I will get for this journal, talking about this topic and having a certain opinion, so if you want to dewatch me for speaking my mind, feel free to, I just hope you can see my point here.
The topic "pornography" on dA is a pretty popular topic, I've heard people discussing this a lot lately and so have I, because I noticed something that is really irking me.
You know I like to draw smut, yaoi/BL to be precise and I do not care if you approve or disapprove of that, I like yaoi and I won't stop drawing it.
But then I noticed that this is quite a big issue here on dA, with uploading "pornographic" yaoi pictures.
This is not about me being butthurt that my pictures get taken down because they are considered porn, I don't take this personal, I just want to show how unfair this kind of art is treated here.
Yes, I have read the rules and the FAQ of dA and I know that explicit pornography is strictly forbidden on dA and I do understand that.
No uploading pornographic pictures, not even linking to this kind of content is allowed.
And I accept that, it is understandable why one would make such rules.
But what I do not understand is, why dA is full of so much porn then.
It's not yaoi porn though, it's lesbian / futanari porn.
I took the liberty of browsing dA with an 18+ account, because I wanted to see if the rumor of dA being full of porn is true.
And I must say, it sadly is.
But not gay porn, only lesbian / futanari porn.
Which I think is NOT okay, because majorly yaoi porn getting removed and lesbian porn being left on dA is pretty racist and sexist.
I don't base my statements off nothing, I have screencaptured a few examples to show you what I mean.
Again, if you do not want to see those mature content pictures, do not click the links below.
I found a lot of futanari art, where dicks dangle around and tits bounce freely, as long as the picture is set on mature content.
Examples: i.imgur.com/1psfTWV.png & i.imgur.com/8Dj5q3l.png
But not only drawn futanari art, no, also real life pictures where they spread there legs right into the camera.
Also simply naked women drawn, showing off their genitals freely.
Examples: i.imgur.com/ae8BRVa.png & i.imgur.com/8johBye.png & i.imgur.com/sswiIRF.png
Even a yuri/futanari doujinshi that SHOWS and LINKS to mature content images.
And then I have also found a lesbian picture, which also shows the girls' vaginae.
This picture has over 720 favorites and has never been considered porn.
It was reported once, back in 2010.
Here is the report: i.imgur.com/DDQxN9K.png
dA has done nothing about this picture, apparently because it is not pornographic.
But I find it pornographic.
There are two girls
showing off their pussies right into the camera.
That IS porn, that is no longer just a nude picture, even if they're not clearly making love.
Porn is not only having sex.
And dA's rules forbid porn.
But what is porn for dA?
What I have seen so far, I would say dA counts yaoi pictures as porn, since all the other, hardcore "nudes" are still on dA and even popular.
I have browsed dA for yaoi.
You know what I found?
Guys hugging and kissing each other, but no dicks dangling in the picture, not even once, not even if they weren't errected, there was no explicit yaoi.
I would link you an example, but like I said, there is none.
The "worst" I could find was this: i.imgur.com/fHTei1z.png & i.imgur.com/Nbg1POT.png & i.imgur.com/K5t2eDt.png
And it doesn't even show any genitals.
I know that there are also pictures of naked men on dA, I've seen those as well, but there aren't even half as many of those compared to naked females and the males don't stick their genitals into the camera like a lot of females are doing it in the pictures.
So, if I upload a picture with two guys looming above each other with their unerrected dicks shown carelessly, will this be torelated as a nude picture?
I don't think so, but I am up for trying that out if I have to, to prove my point here.
I think that this "pornography" issue has taken a racist and sexist turn.
Majorly gay porn pictures being removed from dA is not okay, it is unfair and offending.
Gay porn is also art.
Someone who draws yaoi puts just as much effort into the drawing as someone who draws yuri.
It takes a lot to get the anatomy right in such nude pictures, it really isn't that easy and you can't just say simply because two guys are having sex, this is no longer art.
Slowly I really start to dislike dA for this issue.
Why won't they treat gay and lesbian nude pictures equally?
I can't understand their way of judging pictures for what is porn and what isn't.
And what I dislike even more is, that they don't even notify you when they take YOUR art down for some reason.
They could at least have told me that my picture was removed and why.
But no, I had to find out it has been removed because a friend asked where the picture has gone.
I know there are people who like yaoi, just like me, they find it sexy and very aesthetic.
I know also there are people who like yuri, exactly for the same reasons.
Everyone has different tastes and that is alright with me, I wouldn't judge anyone for this, it's okay, I don't really like lesbian porn, but that's no reason for me to disapprove of it, especially because I like gay porn, it's just the same, only the gender is different.
I am even okay with people liking futanaris, I really don't mind it, everyone their own.
I just really, really dislike it that yaoi and yuri get treated so differently here on dA.
It's not okay the way they handle this currently.
It's just unfair and against all those people who appreciate yaoi.
And I happen to be one of them, and one of them that is so irked that she makes a journal about it.
It irks me for the sake of fairness, not because I feel hurt that they took my picture down.
And I know a lot of people who agree with me on this.
This is all I wanted to say.
I hope nobody feels insulted in some way after reading this, I really didn't mean to make you feel that way, sorry.
I just wanted to speak my mind freely, because that is my right to do.
Please do not rage at me for having this opinion and please do not drop offensive comments.
All I wanted was to show what I think, please don't hate me for this, please don't offend me for this.
And here I want to thank everyone who has read this far, thank you very much for your time and concern, no matter how you think about this issue, thank you.
All the pictures I have linked belong to their respective creators, I own nothing.
Sat Apr 27, 2013, 1:01 PM
GAIZ GAIZ GAIZ
GOSH I'M LITERALLY CRYING HERE--
I FEEL SO HONOREDDDD
HOW COME I DESERVE THIS AKSDJFKASDJF--
THANK YOU SO MUCH
NEVER THOUGHT SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY DO THIS FOR ME ;;;;
I'M AT A LOSS OF WORDS ;;;;;;;;
Anyone who wants to join -- feel free to, the requests are always open
Sat Apr 13, 2013, 8:53 AM
So I just came back from my first canoe class--
It's a sport my school offers-- and
OH MY GOD
MY HANDS ARE ALL SORE AND RED AND SWOLLEN
AND THEY HURT SO MUCH
I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF I CAN DRAW OTL
DIDN'T TRY IT YET
IT WAS SO MUCH FUN--
I'M GLAD I CHOSE THAT CLASS-- BUT STILL--
MY POOR HANDS
Besides that-- everything was so amazing--
my day couldn't be any better--
and if you ever have the chance to go on a canoe-trip -- DO ET
Sat Apr 13, 2013, 12:26 AM
Okay, so I am pretty sure most of you have seen what happened yesterday, about that "I don't want critique" thing.
Please let me just explain myself here because I don't want people to get me wrong.
First of all, I know people criticize politely to help. And trust me, I appreciate that, I think it's a good thing that you want to help and don't judge you for that.
Critique, if uttered nicely, is there to help you improve, I know that as well and don't reject that entirely.
That I don't want critique is not about me thinking that I am good enough to not be criticized, I am not that arrogant to say that I can do anything perfectly, quite the contrary, I have a slight inferiority complex and am a perfectionist, which is a pretty bad combination. I am /never/ satisfied with what I do, be it drawing or anything else, I always find something to nag and complain about.
And I don't mind it if people point out my flaws, not at all.
and this is the point a lot of people don't seem to realize:
I, as a person, am someone who prefers to stand on their own feet and figure out problems by myself.
No matter if it comes to drawing or anything else I do in life, I never ask for help right away, I prefer to try it myself first and when I really don't know what to do anymore, then I will come and ask others for help.
This is just how I am, and in your eyes that might seem wrong, but I am that way and that's that.
It's not that I don't want /critique/ as a specific thing, I just do not want any help unless I ask for it.
It was all about that, nothing more.
And I even have asked for help once or twice, so I clearly can take critique if I ask for it, because then I want to be helped.
I know that deviantART is a website artists can use in order to improve and show off their work, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to criticize anyone.
Some people do not want critique for reasons that are not conceit or similar things.
deviatnART has that "Critique" widget for people who want to get their art criticized, and if I would really want that, I would use that widget to clearly show that I /need/ and /want/ help.
"But you are here to improve your drawing skills, so don't complain when people try to help!"
Yes, I do want to improve, but not with every single drawing I do.
Some are just for fun and to kill some time because I was bored and they are sketchy and messy and not even worth a fight like this.
If it's just a sketch, of course there are flaws, of course something might seem off, but that's because it's a /sketch/, something I didn't spend a lot of time with.
That's why it's really not worth to be criticized, since I didn't put a lot of effort into it anyway.
I hope that some people see this whole thing a bit clearer now.
Just wanted to make this journal to explain why I don't want critique unless I ask for it, there is no other purpose of this.
And please don't start another arguement over this.
I am simply stating my opinion and I have the right to do this, please just accept my opinion or leave it be, don't argue more than necessary.
Fri Apr 12, 2013, 8:11 AM
GUESS WHO IS GOING TO VISIT IN MEXICO THIS SUMMER?
I'LL ALSO MEET
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT--
I'LL BE FLYING TO MONTERREY TO STAY WITH MACCHI FOR 5 WHOLE WEEKS--
WITHOUT MY PARENTS-- AND WITHOUT SPEAKING ONE WORD SPANISH LMAO
BUT OH GOD--
IT'S CERTAIN NOW THAT I'LL VISIT MACCHI
I JUST WANNA CRY
THIS WILL BE THE BEST SUMMER EVER AMFG--
NEVER EVER HAVE BEEN THAT FAR AWAY FROM HOME-- ESPECIALLY NOT ALONE--
AND I'M NO GOOD WITH HEAT--
AND I GET SUNBURNED SO QUICKLY AKSDJFKASDF
HOW WILL I SURVIVE?
BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK--
MY SWEET BBY
ILU SO MUCH MACCHI YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE--
Tue Mar 26, 2013, 12:48 PM
Have you ever wondered if I have a tumblr? ; 7 ;
Well-- I'm not used to tumblr-- a-and idk how to use it properly--- b-but I made one onenightstar.tumblr.com/
I can't promise I'll be active on tumblr though-- first have to get used to it ;;;;;;;;
That's all-- //hides again